March 22, 2022
Updated March 2, 2026
Discovering that your adolescent may be engaging in self-harm can be overwhelming, frightening, and confusing. Many parents immediately wonder:
- Is my child suicidal?
- Did I miss warning signs?
- Why would they hurt themselves?
- How do I help?
Self-harm can entail behaviors such as cutting, burning, banging head against wall, scratching oneself, etc. People who engage in nonsuicidal self-injury (NSSI) may use behaviors, such as these, to harm themselves without having suicidal intention.
Understanding the difference between nonsuicidal self-injury and suicidal behavior is critical. While both require professional attention, they are not always the same, and responding appropriately begins with accurate information.
At Juno Counseling and Wellness, we work with adolescents and families navigating teen self-harm and emotional distress. Below are answers to common questions parents may have about NSSI and their adolescent.
Why Is My Child Engaging in Self-Harm?
There are numerous reasons that an adolescent may potentially be engaging in NSSI. These reasons often fall into biological, social, and mental health categories. Often, more than one factor is involved.
Biological Reasons
Each half of our brain houses something called the nucleus accumbens, which is a fancy word that describes an area of the brain that is sensitive to predicting reward (Casey et al., 2008). In adolescents, this portion of the brain is more sensitive to the thought of a perceived reward versus adults or children, which can make adolescents more likely to engage in risk-taking behaviors (Casey et al., 2008).
Ultimately, adolescents have not developed the part of their brain responsible for impulse control, but they are sensitive to engaging in behaviors that are risky, increasing the likelihood they will engage in NSSI.
In practical terms, this means adolescents may:
- Act quickly on emotional impulses
- Seek immediate relief from distress
- Underestimate long-term consequences
- Struggle with emotional regulation
Self-harm can temporarily reduce intense emotional pain. For some teens, the physical sensation interrupts overwhelming thoughts or emotional numbness. Over time, this relief can reinforce the behavior.
It is important to understand that adolescent self-harm is often about coping , not attention-seeking.
Social Reasons
Adolescence marks the period of identity development leading to increased interaction with peers and more time away from the home environment. Peer relationships become central.
Being around peers who engage in self-harm increases the likelihood that an adolescent will act on these urges themselves (Hawton et al., 2012).
Additionally, people who are struggling socially , such as enduring bullying, being confused or made fun of due to their sexual orientation, and difficulties at school , may be more likely to engage in self-harm (Hawton et al., 2012).
Social pressures that can increase vulnerability include:
- Online exposure to self-harm content
- Social comparison
- Rejection or exclusion
- Academic pressure
- Family conflict
Finally, difficult life events, such as adverse childhood experiences and parents getting divorced, may increase their use of NSSI (Hawton et al., 2012).
Major stressors can overwhelm a teen’s developing coping system. Without healthy outlets or emotional validation, self-harm may become a maladaptive coping strategy.
Mental Health Reasons
NSSI can serve as a means to escape difficult emotions, which may indicate underlying mental health issues (Hawton et al., 2012).
These are examples of mental health issues that can increase an adolescent’s risk to engage in NSSI (Hawton et al., 2012):
- Depression
- Substance Use
- Anxiety
- ADHD
Additional contributing factors may include trauma, perfectionism, emotional sensitivity, and difficulty identifying feelings.
For some adolescents, self-harm helps them:
- Release emotional tension
- Feel something when numb
- Express distress without words
- Regain a sense of control
While NSSI may temporarily reduce emotional intensity, it does not address the underlying causes. Professional counseling for self-harm focuses on building safe emotional regulation skills and treating co-occurring conditions.
Can Nonsuicidal Self-Injury Lead to Suicide?
This is one of the most frightening questions parents ask.
The answer is not a straightforward yes or no; it depends, which is why it is vital to have your adolescent evaluated by a mental health professional.
Klonsky (2014) states that Joiner’s Interpersonal Theory of Suicide explains, “people must possess both the desire for suicide and the capability to act on this desire for one to make a potentially lethal suicide attempt” (p. 567).
Having a desire to die by suicide entails wanting to die or not exist anymore. However, people may fear pain associated with suicide, which prevents them from ever attempting it.
However, those who engage in NSSI may slowly build up their tolerance to pain, causing them both to have the desire and capability.
It is important to emphasize:
- Not all adolescents who self-harm are suicidal.
- NSSI does increase suicide risk over time.
- Assessment by a licensed mental health professional is essential.
If you suspect suicidal thoughts, immediate professional evaluation is necessary.
Early intervention significantly reduces long-term risk.
Warning Signs Parents Should Watch For
While every teen is different, potential indicators of adolescent self-harm may include:
- Unexplained cuts, burns, or bruises
- Wearing long sleeves in hot weather
- Isolation from friends and family
- Sudden mood changes
- Increased irritability or hopelessness
- Secretive behavior
- Decline in school performance
Teens may attempt to hide self-harm due to shame or fear of punishment. Approaching the situation calmly is critical.
How Can I Support My Child?
Having a child who engages in NSSI can be extremely disheartening and scary for a parent. Parents often experience guilt, anger, sadness, and fear simultaneously.
Here are some suggestions adapted from Berger (2013) that can help parents:
Do not assume or label a child as suicidal or problematic who engages in NSSI. This can cause defensiveness from the child and decrease their trust in you.
Ask them, nonjudgmentally, why they feel they are engaging in self-harm. The question can be phrased as, “I am concerned about you. I was wondering why you think you have been engaging in self-harm?”
Talk to the child about how they think you can create a more supportive environment at home for them.
Speak to the child about their thoughts on entering counseling.
Let your child know you love them and are there to support them.
Additional supportive steps include:
- Remaining calm during conversations
- Avoiding ultimatums or punishment as a first response
- Removing or securing harmful objects when appropriate
- Encouraging healthier coping alternatives
- Modeling emotional openness
Your response can either increase secrecy or increase safety. Validation does not mean approval of the behavior , it means acknowledging their pain.
When to Seek Professional Help for Teen Self-Harm
If your adolescent is engaging in NSSI, professional counseling is strongly recommended.
Teen self-harm treatment may include:
- Individual therapy focused on emotional regulation
- Family counseling to improve communication
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills
- Trauma-informed care
- Psychiatric evaluation when needed
Early intervention improves outcomes significantly.
At Juno Counseling and Wellness, we work collaboratively with families to create individualized treatment plans. Addressing adolescent self-harm requires compassion, structure, and clinical expertise.
A Final Word to Parents
If you are reading this, you are already taking an important step.
Nonsuicidal self-injury can be frightening, but it is also treatable. Many adolescents who engage in self-harm go on to develop healthier coping skills and emotional resilience with the right support.
You are not alone. Your child is not broken. And help is available.
If you are concerned about adolescent self-harm or are seeking counseling for self-harm, reach out to Juno Counseling and Wellness to learn more about how we support teens and families through evidence-based care.
References
Berger, E., Hasking, P., & Martin, G. (2013). “Listen to them”: Adolescents' views on helping young people who self-injure. Journal of Adolescence, 36(5), 935–945. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2013.07.011
Casey, B. J., Getz, S., & Galavan, A. (2008). The adolescent brain. Developmental Review, 28(1), 62–77. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.dr.2007.08.003
Klonsky, E. D., Victor, S. E., & Saffer, B. Y. (2014). Nonsuicidal self-injury: What we know, and what we need to know. The Canadian Journal of Psychiatry, 59(11), 565–568. https://doi.org/10.1177/070674371405901101
Hawton, K., Saunders, K., & O'Connor, R. C. (2012). Self-harm and suicide in adolescents. The Lancet, 379(9834), 23–29. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(12)60322-5
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