Communicating clearly in your relationship: Communication styles and how communication breakdowns happen in relationships

Dr. Vassilia Binensztok, PhD
July 25, 2025

Effective communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Whether you're navigating the complexities of marriage, dating, or any form of partnership, understanding communication styles and how breakdowns occur is crucial. Communication acts as the bridge connecting emotions, intentions, and thoughts between partners, allowing for deeper understanding and connection. Let's delve into the dynamics of relationship communication and how you can enhance your connection with your partner.

Communication Styles

Communication styles are the ways individuals express themselves to others. In relationships, these styles can significantly influence how partners interact. Recognizing your own style, as well as your partner's, can help in creating a harmonious communication environment. Here are some common communication styles found in relationships:

Assertive communicators express their thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully. They understand the importance of honesty and are open to dialogue, making them effective communicators in relationships. This style promotes mutual respect and understanding, as both partners feel heard and valued. By encouraging open dialogue, assertive communication helps in addressing issues before they escalate, fostering a supportive environment.

Passive communicators often avoid expressing their opinions or feelings, usually to prevent conflict. They might agree with others to keep the peace, but this can lead to unresolved issues and resentment over time. This style can create a power imbalance, where one partner's needs and desires are consistently sidelined. Over time, this can erode self-esteem and lead to dissatisfaction in the relationship, as one partner may feel unheard and undervalued.

Aggressive communicators express their opinions and needs forcefully, often without regard for others' feelings. This style can lead to conflict and misunderstandings, as it often involves dominating conversations and dismissing the partner's perspective. While it might seem effective in the short term, aggressive communication can damage trust and respect between partners. It often creates a cycle of defensiveness and retaliation, further straining the relationship.

This style combines elements of passive and aggressive communication. Passive-aggressive individuals may appear passive on the surface but express their anger indirectly, often through sarcasm or backhanded compliments. This can lead to confusion and frustration in relationships, as partners struggle to understand the true issues at hand. The lack of direct communication can create a toxic atmosphere, where resentment builds over time without resolution.

Communication Breakdowns

Your communication style can either strengthen or weaken your relationship. Couples who understand and adapt to each other's styles are more likely to resolve conflicts amicably and maintain a healthy relationship. Recognizing and respecting each other's communication preferences can foster a more empathetic and understanding partnership. Conversely, mismatched or misunderstood communication styles can lead to frequent misunderstandings and conflict, creating a barrier to intimacy and connection.

Communication breakdowns in relationships can stem from various sources. Recognizing these causes can help you prevent them. By understanding the roots of these breakdowns, couples can work proactively to address and mitigate them, leading to healthier interactions.

Active Listening

Active listening involves fully concentrating on what your partner is saying, understanding their message, and responding thoughtfully. Without active listening, partners may feel unheard, leading to frustration and conflict. This lack of engagement can result in misinterpretations and assumptions, further deepening the communication gap. Practicing active listening can enhance empathy and understanding, creating a more connected relationship.

Assuming you know what your partner is thinking or feeling can lead to misunderstandings. Misinterpretations occur when one partner's words or actions are taken out of context, resulting in unnecessary conflict. These assumptions can create a sense of distance and misunderstanding, as partners may feel their true intentions are not recognized. Open and honest communication is key to avoiding these pitfalls and fostering a more transparent relationship.

Past experiences can influence how we communicate. Emotional baggage from previous relationships or unresolved issues can affect current communication, making it challenging to express feelings clearly. This baggage can manifest as distrust or fear of vulnerability, hindering open communication. Addressing these past issues, either individually or together, can pave the way for healthier interactions and a more fulfilling partnership.

External stressors, such as work or financial pressures, can impact how couples communicate. Stress can lead to short tempers and poor communication choices, resulting in conflicts that might otherwise be avoided. Recognizing the impact of these external factors and addressing them collaboratively can help couples maintain a supportive environment. Finding ways to manage stress together can strengthen the relationship and improve overall communication.

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but how you handle it matters.

Building Communication Skills

Couples lacking effective conflict resolution skills may struggle to communicate their needs and find common ground during disagreements. Developing these skills can transform conflicts from divisive moments into opportunities for growth and understanding. By focusing on constructive solutions, couples can navigate disagreements more effectively, strengthening their bond.

Improving communication in your relationship requires effort and commitment from both partners.

Here are some strategies to consider, aimed at fostering a deeper connection and enhancing your partnership:

Make a conscious effort to listen actively to your partner. This means giving them your full attention, acknowledging their feelings, and providing feedback that shows you understand their perspective. Practicing this skill can help in reducing misunderstandings and building a foundation of trust. It encourages open dialogue and reassures your partner that their feelings and opinions are valued.

When discussing issues, use "I" statements to express your feelings without blaming your partner. For example, say, "I feel upset when..." instead of "You always make me upset." This approach fosters constructive dialogue and reduces defensiveness. By focusing on your own feelings, rather than placing blame, it opens up a space for understanding and resolution.

Set aside time for regular check-ins with your partner. Use this time to discuss your feelings, address any concerns, and celebrate your successes as a couple. Regular communication helps maintain a strong connection and prevents issues from festering. These check-ins can serve as a dedicated space for open and honest dialogue, strengthening your emotional connection.

When to Seek Help

If communication breakdowns persist, consider seeking help from a couples therapist in Jupiter. These professionals can provide guidance and tools to improve communication and resolve conflicts. Therapy can offer a fresh perspective and facilitate deeper understanding between partners. It can also serve as a safe space to explore underlying issues that may be impacting communication.

Empathy involves understanding and sharing your partner's feelings. Practicing empathy helps you connect with your partner on a deeper level and fosters a supportive and understanding environment. By putting yourself in your partner's shoes, you can better appreciate their perspective and respond with compassion. This practice can lead to stronger emotional bonds and a more harmonious relationship.

A couples counselor in Jupiter can play a vital role in enhancing communication within a relationship. They provide a neutral space for both partners to express their feelings and work towards understanding each other better. By facilitating open dialogue, therapists can help break down communication barriers and promote healthier interactions.

@junocounseling